Many people struggle to improve their performance but few realize that just hard work and good intentions are not enough. Performance in any area of our life is dependant upon our self-concept in that particular area. Self-concept is our image of ourselves, how we perceive our abilities in a certain area of our lives. For example you may be a very articulate person, with great communication skills on a one-on-basis and your boss insists that you should use this skill at the next conference and make a presentation in front of the management. However, if you feel that talking to people is one thing but presenting to a whole crowd is another matter altogether and you are not really up to it, no matter how much people motivate and encourage, at best you will be able to manage an average performance. You will only excel at something when your self-concept regarding your presentation skills is high.
But self-concept is not the end of the story, rather it is just the beginning because self-concept is also dependant upon something – self-esteem i.e. how much your value yourself as a person. Self-esteem is one of those words which have lately been abused to the hilt by people who have no understanding of what it really means. In Pakistan whenever you go to any public place be a restaurant or the airport I’m sure you’ve all heard someone at some point say “do you know who I am?” Next time whenever you hear those words feel sorry for them rather than getting annoyed, because this is the #1 sign of someone suffering from low self-esteem. You see in life whenever someone runs away from their problems or takes illegitimate short-cuts they erode their self-esteem, till the point when they are completely hollow inside and they need validation from the outside world.
The only way to improve self-esteem is by meeting life’s problems head-on, taking on challenges and giving them your best shot. It is an account that needs daily deposits but the compound interest is high. Years ago I was one of the organizers at a large conference in which we had called international speakers. As is the usual practice at such venues, the first row had sofas and the rest of the rows were chairs. The centre sofas were reserved for the speakers and the rest was on first-come-first seating basis. A gentleman came along with his entourage and plopped himself on the reserved sofas. One of the other organizers (who himself was the GM marketing for a very large newspaper) came to me and asked me if I could get them to move. That should have caused alarm bells to go off in my mind, but me being the thick person I am immediately jumped to action and went to this person and politely asked him to move since this place was reserved for the speakers. The gentle man looked around, then looked at me disdainfully and uttered those famous words “do you know who I am?” As usual I put my foot in my mouth and replied “sir I have no idea who you are”. Ouch that hurt! He got up and sat somewhere at the back making a big show of his ‘insult’. I later found out that he was the chairman of a very large State owned corporation. No wonder his self-esteem was so low!
In the same conference I also learnt what high-self esteem is all about. One hour into the session I saw the back door of the conference room opening and a small unassuming man came and sat on the first chair available in the last row. That man was Shaukat Mirza, chairman of Engro and at that time MD of PSO. Having consulted for his organizations on a number of occasions I knew him well so I went to him and asked him to come up to the front row as there was a seat available on the sofa. He politely declined and said it would just disturb everyone if he moved right now. Wow! I was floored by his reply because I realized I was in the presence of a person with high self-esteem. He knew that Shaukat Mirza would be Shaukat Mirza regardless of the row in which he sat.
Self-esteem itself is linked to one more thing and that is self-love. But in order to understand self love we first have to understand love itself. I’m not talking about the kind of love one falls in and out of – that’s a bio-chemical reaction. I’m talking about real love the kind we feel for our parents, our children, our friends, our country etc. I came across a great definition of love in Dr. Scott Peck’s book ‘A Road Less Travelled’, and it said:
“Love is the willingness to extend ourselves for our own or somebody else’s mental, emotional or spiritual growth”.
I think each word in this definition needs to be pondered upon. Firstly, love is the willingness, not ability because everyone has the ability but not many have the desire to put that ability into action. To extend ourselves means getting out of our comfort zone, all growth occurs when we are ‘stretched’ or are forced out of our comfort zones. If we are too comfortable in life then it is simply a sign of stagnation, and whatever is stagnant is decaying. For the sake of mental emotion or spiritual growth means that the outcome of love has to be growth, if not then its not love just manipulation.
In light of this definition we can simply say that self-love is our willingness to extend ourselves for our own growth.
Hence performance depends upon self-concept, which in turn depends upon self-esteem which is directly linked to self-love and all this boils down to the ‘D’ word we hate so much. Discipline! Discipline does not mean regimentation, it means loving yourself enough to force yourself to take the action required for your growth.
So you see love has got everything to do with performance improvement and remember if you can’t even love yourself how can you expect love from others? Don't blame others for yourself lack of success or low performance levels, instead ask yourself "do I really love myself enough?"
But self-concept is not the end of the story, rather it is just the beginning because self-concept is also dependant upon something – self-esteem i.e. how much your value yourself as a person. Self-esteem is one of those words which have lately been abused to the hilt by people who have no understanding of what it really means. In Pakistan whenever you go to any public place be a restaurant or the airport I’m sure you’ve all heard someone at some point say “do you know who I am?” Next time whenever you hear those words feel sorry for them rather than getting annoyed, because this is the #1 sign of someone suffering from low self-esteem. You see in life whenever someone runs away from their problems or takes illegitimate short-cuts they erode their self-esteem, till the point when they are completely hollow inside and they need validation from the outside world.
The only way to improve self-esteem is by meeting life’s problems head-on, taking on challenges and giving them your best shot. It is an account that needs daily deposits but the compound interest is high. Years ago I was one of the organizers at a large conference in which we had called international speakers. As is the usual practice at such venues, the first row had sofas and the rest of the rows were chairs. The centre sofas were reserved for the speakers and the rest was on first-come-first seating basis. A gentleman came along with his entourage and plopped himself on the reserved sofas. One of the other organizers (who himself was the GM marketing for a very large newspaper) came to me and asked me if I could get them to move. That should have caused alarm bells to go off in my mind, but me being the thick person I am immediately jumped to action and went to this person and politely asked him to move since this place was reserved for the speakers. The gentle man looked around, then looked at me disdainfully and uttered those famous words “do you know who I am?” As usual I put my foot in my mouth and replied “sir I have no idea who you are”. Ouch that hurt! He got up and sat somewhere at the back making a big show of his ‘insult’. I later found out that he was the chairman of a very large State owned corporation. No wonder his self-esteem was so low!
In the same conference I also learnt what high-self esteem is all about. One hour into the session I saw the back door of the conference room opening and a small unassuming man came and sat on the first chair available in the last row. That man was Shaukat Mirza, chairman of Engro and at that time MD of PSO. Having consulted for his organizations on a number of occasions I knew him well so I went to him and asked him to come up to the front row as there was a seat available on the sofa. He politely declined and said it would just disturb everyone if he moved right now. Wow! I was floored by his reply because I realized I was in the presence of a person with high self-esteem. He knew that Shaukat Mirza would be Shaukat Mirza regardless of the row in which he sat.
Self-esteem itself is linked to one more thing and that is self-love. But in order to understand self love we first have to understand love itself. I’m not talking about the kind of love one falls in and out of – that’s a bio-chemical reaction. I’m talking about real love the kind we feel for our parents, our children, our friends, our country etc. I came across a great definition of love in Dr. Scott Peck’s book ‘A Road Less Travelled’, and it said:
“Love is the willingness to extend ourselves for our own or somebody else’s mental, emotional or spiritual growth”.
I think each word in this definition needs to be pondered upon. Firstly, love is the willingness, not ability because everyone has the ability but not many have the desire to put that ability into action. To extend ourselves means getting out of our comfort zone, all growth occurs when we are ‘stretched’ or are forced out of our comfort zones. If we are too comfortable in life then it is simply a sign of stagnation, and whatever is stagnant is decaying. For the sake of mental emotion or spiritual growth means that the outcome of love has to be growth, if not then its not love just manipulation.
In light of this definition we can simply say that self-love is our willingness to extend ourselves for our own growth.
Hence performance depends upon self-concept, which in turn depends upon self-esteem which is directly linked to self-love and all this boils down to the ‘D’ word we hate so much. Discipline! Discipline does not mean regimentation, it means loving yourself enough to force yourself to take the action required for your growth.
So you see love has got everything to do with performance improvement and remember if you can’t even love yourself how can you expect love from others? Don't blame others for yourself lack of success or low performance levels, instead ask yourself "do I really love myself enough?"
1 comment:
very intresting idea that self love brings improvement and as long as we do not love our selves we should not expect others to love us. The example of gentle man who occupied the central sofa and when he was asked that he should change his seat and his reply was " do u know who am I" is the very natural reaction. why he sat on the front sofa coz he knew that this is for the VIPs and he might have consdiered him. The feeling that one is vip in not genrated in vaccum, it is the people who make other feel vip.The irony is that if some body adopts low profile and feels that this does not make any difference to his honour or status but the other people do not take this fact as it is. The comments from such people for that particular gentle men are very absurd and he does not get respect as long as he make other feel that he is high in the status. As far as love is concerned self love is good thing but within certain limit. beyond that it make on arrogant and this takes away all people arouond him
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