I have always wondered what is that single most important
thing that parents need to teach their children? Seems like a pointless
question for someone like me to ponder over considering that I don’t have any
myself, but that’s me, always pointlessly pondering over the pointless. One does
that when one has all the time in the world and nothing really important to
think about.
Like most people I started with a list of attributes that
any parent should inculcate in their child. The ability to differentiate
between right and wrong was at the top of this list. Obviously if parents don’t
teach this to their children, who else will? And where will civilization be
without this basic human quality? Confidence was the next item on my list. When
parents encourage and appreciate their children even after a failure, children
learn to believe in their abilities - such an important trait during their
educational years and later and their adult life. Curiosity and asking
questions was also very important. If parents try and answer their children
rather than shutting them up, the children grow up with a learning mind-set. As
they grow-up their curiosity leads them to ever expanding horizons and growth.
Of course there were other characteristics as well such as, compassion, faith,
responsibility etc.
But something was
missing. I could not put my finger at it but felt that some underlying value
was missing, something which was so important that it acted as the foundation
on which all other values stood firm. You see experience has taught me that
most parents do ensure that their children learn to differentiate between right
and wrong but most adults seem to forget that basic lesson. It is not that as
adults we become evil or all tread the wrong path, but most of us learn to
ignore the wrong around us, hence encouraging it to grow. In our own lives we
zig zag between right and wrong telling ourselves that this is being practical
in today’s world.
Our confidence also seems to waver depending upon who we are
with. With equals and people less powerful than us we are like strutting
peacocks ready to display our colours to the max, but when we are with those
who are more privileged or powerful we tend to fold into ourselves.
Curiosity and willingness to ask questions also seems to
diminish with age. Let me correct
myself, the willingness to ask stimulating questions goes down, our need to
know the intimate details of other people’s lives on the other hand goes up
exponentially.
So what is the magic ingredient that acts as a long term
stabilizer which preserves all the other values? I came up with courage. The
etymology of the word courage is the old French word corage meaning the heart or innermost feelings. Don’t confuse
courage with heroism. While heroism requires courage, courage need not always
be translated into heroic deeds.
Knowing right from wrong is one thing, but it requires
courage to stand up for what is right and an even greater amount of courage to
be on the right side ourselves and listen to that inner voice which constantly
guides us.
Confidence too requires courage – the courage to brace ourselves,
steel our nerves and hold our ground in the presence of others. We know our
abilities but it requires courage to keep believing in them when others don’t,
that is what confidence really is. One does not have to be cocky to be
confident, one can be very unassuming and yet confident. One of the definitions
of confidence is ‘assured expectation’ and that assurance requires courage to
first know your capabilities, admit what you cannot do and have belief in your
abilities to deliver what you can do.
To ask questions is to invite exploration and the trepid do
not make good explorers. When you start asking difficult questions you usually
end up with unsettling answers. The truth is not always what is familiar and
accepting that is not easy. Even more difficult is to adopt your newly
discovered truths into your life and change your hitherto familiar life map. So
most people give up this quest the moment they hit the boundaries of uncharted
territories. Such a shame, because at that moment they stop living and start
merely to exist, inside they die early on although physically they may inhabit
this planet for another half a century.
Life has ups and
downs and problems are the norm rather than the exception. We each have our
share of challenges but to overcome these tribulations requires courage. Living
life on your own terms requires courage. To love requires courage. To grow
requires courage. To fully explore that adventure that is life requires
courage. Courage then is the one thing that parents must teach their
children, because this the basic ingredient which makes everything else possible.
