I confess that I am crazy and I’m quite happy about it. There is a difference between insanity and craziness (at least according to me). To be insane means to not have any boundaries between the real and the imagined. Insane people are unable to censor their thoughts and actions. Crazy people on the other hand do have defined boundaries however they choose to push them beyond the norms of acceptance and hence ‘normalcy’.
To be normal simply means doing what the majority does and hence accepts. The question of right or wrong does not arise because the majority finds a way of justifying their actions somehow. Take the example of the difference between East and West - living with your parents and taking care of them in their old age is normal for the East but a grown man living with his parents is definitely not normal in the West. Different cultures will have different codes of normal conduct. So when I say I am crazy, perhaps that is not entirely true, rather I should say I am crazy in reference to the culture and society I live in.
There is a myth that crazy people do things that are ‘in-your-face’, deliberately trying to provoke the society into a reaction. Some do – yes, but at times that simply stems from a desire to be noticed and heard. However there is another type, the category to which I belong. My type lives their life ruled by the heart. I think life means much more than following a pattern which takes us from the cradle to the grave. My life is not a painting which you can step back and admire, rather it’s a collage and you need to come up close to see each element in order to understand it. To some I may seem unstructured in my approach, but I believe in collecting experiences.
I’ve made many mistakes that no ‘normal’ person would, but I cherish each one because it has taught me valuable life lessons which I can proudly claim to be my own. If my life is in a mess I have created it all on my own accord and have no one to blame since I asked no one before I made my choices. My own happiness is paramount to me but that doesn’t mean I’m selfish – I simply seek to remain true to myself and therefore be honest with the people who matter most to me. I am a recluse and people think its not normal, but I find empty chatter abnormal. To each their own.
I experience every emotion to its fullest. Sometimes I get morbidly depressed and find solace in the possibility of death and at others I am so elated that its sublime. My views may not be popular, but they are mine and I don’t dilute them to conform. I spend a lot of time understanding myself and though I know all my faults, weaknesses and delusions I have yet to discover who I really am. People have an end game in mind and they have a plan for how their life will pan out, me on the other hand – I just live day-to-day. I cannot see the road ahead with the clarity that others can but my life is filled with the expectation of what’s around the next bend. Usually there is a disaster waiting for me but I have never given up hope of finding the enchanted forest. I don’t reminiscent about my childhood, I keep it alive within me. Who I am and who I see in the mirror is the same person but stuck in different ages.
Some say it takes courage to live life on your own terms, but I disagree. It is a lot more difficult to live according to the expectations of other people. Often people spend their entire life making others happy and end up being miserable themselves and then spend the rest of the time making every one else pay for their negativity. What a sad way to live! When you are joyous only then can you make others happy. There are people who don’t even know what values are important in their lives, they take on popular values because they are subscribed to by the majority. I know what I value most in my life and though it may not be noble it defines who I am – independence. Every choice in my life has been made through this filter. The outcome may not have been desired, but I have no regrets – I experienced, I learnt, I moved on. The worst thing I can think of is to be on the death bed and say “I wish…”
When I die my epitaph will not read as the chronology of my birth and death date it will simply say “She refused to exist”. If I manage that then I can pat myself on the back and say “Sualeha life well lived”.
To be normal simply means doing what the majority does and hence accepts. The question of right or wrong does not arise because the majority finds a way of justifying their actions somehow. Take the example of the difference between East and West - living with your parents and taking care of them in their old age is normal for the East but a grown man living with his parents is definitely not normal in the West. Different cultures will have different codes of normal conduct. So when I say I am crazy, perhaps that is not entirely true, rather I should say I am crazy in reference to the culture and society I live in.
There is a myth that crazy people do things that are ‘in-your-face’, deliberately trying to provoke the society into a reaction. Some do – yes, but at times that simply stems from a desire to be noticed and heard. However there is another type, the category to which I belong. My type lives their life ruled by the heart. I think life means much more than following a pattern which takes us from the cradle to the grave. My life is not a painting which you can step back and admire, rather it’s a collage and you need to come up close to see each element in order to understand it. To some I may seem unstructured in my approach, but I believe in collecting experiences.
I’ve made many mistakes that no ‘normal’ person would, but I cherish each one because it has taught me valuable life lessons which I can proudly claim to be my own. If my life is in a mess I have created it all on my own accord and have no one to blame since I asked no one before I made my choices. My own happiness is paramount to me but that doesn’t mean I’m selfish – I simply seek to remain true to myself and therefore be honest with the people who matter most to me. I am a recluse and people think its not normal, but I find empty chatter abnormal. To each their own.
I experience every emotion to its fullest. Sometimes I get morbidly depressed and find solace in the possibility of death and at others I am so elated that its sublime. My views may not be popular, but they are mine and I don’t dilute them to conform. I spend a lot of time understanding myself and though I know all my faults, weaknesses and delusions I have yet to discover who I really am. People have an end game in mind and they have a plan for how their life will pan out, me on the other hand – I just live day-to-day. I cannot see the road ahead with the clarity that others can but my life is filled with the expectation of what’s around the next bend. Usually there is a disaster waiting for me but I have never given up hope of finding the enchanted forest. I don’t reminiscent about my childhood, I keep it alive within me. Who I am and who I see in the mirror is the same person but stuck in different ages.
Some say it takes courage to live life on your own terms, but I disagree. It is a lot more difficult to live according to the expectations of other people. Often people spend their entire life making others happy and end up being miserable themselves and then spend the rest of the time making every one else pay for their negativity. What a sad way to live! When you are joyous only then can you make others happy. There are people who don’t even know what values are important in their lives, they take on popular values because they are subscribed to by the majority. I know what I value most in my life and though it may not be noble it defines who I am – independence. Every choice in my life has been made through this filter. The outcome may not have been desired, but I have no regrets – I experienced, I learnt, I moved on. The worst thing I can think of is to be on the death bed and say “I wish…”
When I die my epitaph will not read as the chronology of my birth and death date it will simply say “She refused to exist”. If I manage that then I can pat myself on the back and say “Sualeha life well lived”.
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